Begin Today

Today begins Allhallowtide — the sacred trio of Halloween, All Saints Day, and All Souls Day. This season, steeped in remembrance and mystery, feels like a whisper from the veil between life and

death. It is a fitting time to begin a conversation about endings.

ThoughtfulDying is a companion for those ready to reflect on their mortality with courage and grace. It is a space to ask: How do I want to be remembered? How do I say goodbye to this one, wild, precious life?

Across Christian traditions this time of year is devoted to honoring the dead. Halloween may be loud with costumes and candy, but beneath the revelry lies something ancient — a liminal space where the living brush against the unseen. It is the hush between breath and silence, between what is and what will be. Sometimes that space stirs goosebumps. Sometimes it brings tears. And sometimes, it is astonishingly peaceful.

As an end-of-life doula and spiritual care provider in palliative care, I dwell in that space daily. I witness last moments of a life — some serene, some stormy — and each one is a privilege. The turbulent deaths, the ones filled with fear or regret, are why I created ThoughtfulDying and the Substack newsletter, ForeSight. We can prepare for our death. We can choose how to live at the end of our life. We can shape the way we live.

Death is not the enemy. It is not to be chased, nor should it be feared beyond reason. I promise you: death is not the worst thing that can happen. What is worse is being trapped in a sterile limbo, disconnected from meaning, from love. No one has ever said to me, “I wish I had one more day in the hospital.” What everyone longs for — always — is more time with those they love.

If you want a death that honors your life, you must begin planning it now. That means paperwork, yes. But more than that, it means soul work. It means asking what matters most, and what legacy you want to leave behind. Planning for death does not darken your days — it lightens them. It makes your living more vivid and enjoyable.

You might want to create a “death box” — a sacred container for your wishes, your memories, your joys and sorrows, your legacy. It is where you gather the threads of your life and weave them into lasting and loving memories.

And through it all, please: be gentle with yourself. Be kind to others. This work is tender. This life is fleeting. Let us make it beautiful, all the way to the end.